Cousins make unannounced 15 day visit with 8-year-old and 4-year-old kids, get offended when they are forbidden from coming back: 'I'm furious on my mom's behalf'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 19, 2026 9:00 PM EST

Having relatives does not mean free access to endless hospitality.

As a general rule, a family that pretty much gets along with one another is usually expected to take up hosting duties now and then. Whether people want to celebrate a big holiday together or just make a passing visit, welcoming relatives into one's home is a normal occurrence, unless there are any extenuating circumstances.

Still, even those who generally get along pretty well can face drama and tension when they are receiving or acting as houseguests. Even when everybody is a part of the same family tree, people can have very different ideas of how to live and what is appropriate when visiting somebody else's house. Being a host can prove a draining experience at the best of times, and when some decide to take liberties with your generosity, it only makes the whole thing more difficult.

It becomes really awkward when guests act up to the extent that they have to be told that they are not welcome to stay any longer. It is the only way to avoid future disagreements, but it is not always easy to put a foot down with people you are related to.

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  • a woman laughs as she peels a vegetable while standing at a kitchen counter, with a man standing behind her
    via CDC

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a couple with two young kids decided to make a visit to the home of their cousins without asking for permission to stay first. They were there for 15 days, and expected their hosts to cook for them, clean up after them, and help organize their trip while also disrupting their day-to-day lives.

    Because of the way that the family had acted throughout their stay, one of the homeowners decided that they would not be welcome back for similar visits in the future. Their mom felt guilty about this, although she had been cooking for the family throughout, and they wondered if they would be wrong to make such a statement.

     

  • Am I wrong for banning my cousin’s family from ever staying with us again after they treated our home like a free all-inclusive resort?

    My cousin (44M) is visiting from abroad with his wife (42F) and their two kids (4F and 8M,autistic).
    via brightapplestar
  • They're halfway through a 15-day stay at our house (my parents, me, younger brother; dad is currently away on a business trip).
    via brightapplestar
  • We gave them our largest bedroom, about 700sqft with its own bathroom, specifically so their kids would have plenty of space to play and stay contained at night.
    via brightapplestar
  • Since they arrived 10 days ago, it's felt less like guests visiting and more like we were an all- inclusive resort with staff: 1.
    via brightapplestar
  • They never actually asked to stay the whole trip. they informed my mom they were coming and talked about how great it would be for their son to have a big house to run around in.
    via brightapplestar
  • 2. They haven't bought groceries once (except diapers). My mom cooks three full meals a day for their entire family plus snacks/dessert.
    via brightapplestar
  • When I suggested she stop, the parents just gave their kids plain rice from our rice cooker (my mom usually makes a batch every morning for us to eat) and nothing else for the whole day, so she felt awful and resumed cooking everything.
    via brightapplestar
  • 3. Their kids wake around 3 AM and run/clap/yell through the house (living room, kitchen, hallways etc).
    via brightapplestar
  • The parents either go back to sleep after letting them out of the room or actively play with them.
    via brightapplestar
  • We've told them we can hear everything and need sleep. The wife just shrugs it off with "our autistic child can be like that." Nothing has changed since.
    via brightapplestar
  • 4. They wanted photos at a specific NYC location and told me I needed to order them a $170 uber because they were too scared to drive their rental car into the city.
    via brightapplestar
  • two young children laugh as they run around and empty room, next to patio doors
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When I refused, they had my 23-year-old brother order and pay instead. 5. Today I found a full hand-sized deep oil stain with al spreading halo on our leather sofa that's been in our family for years.
    via brightapplestar
  • It wasn't there the night before, They didn't mention anything or apologize all day and interacted with us normally.
    via brightapplestar
  • When I finally brought it up, my cousin said "sorry, didn't know," and his wife said "it's hard raising an autistic kid." *For clarity: the autistic child is actually quiet and cautious and I'm fairly sure he wasn't the one who caused this.
    via brightapplestar
  • His mom repeatedly uses his autism as a defense. My mom doesn't know how to bring it up and accepts it because she's close to my cousin's father (her cousin), who is ill and feels bad for them, even though she admits this isn't what she expected.
    via brightapplestar
  • I'm furious, mostly on my mom's behalf. She's being treated like unpaid hotel staff while they consume food, wreck sleep, cost money, and now damage sentimental furniture without even acknowledging it.
    via brightapplestar
  • I'm at the point where I want to tell my cousin before he leaves that he and his family are not welcome to stay in our home again unless. his family changes their behavior and can be respectful.
    via brightapplestar
  • Is this reasonable? AITAH for saying this? Edit for context: Many comments assume this is my parents' house.
    via brightapplestar
  • It isn't. The home is legally owned by my brother and me (we're the only names on the title and mortgage) and our parents live with us.
    via brightapplestar
  • We all share the household, and I'm the one paying the mortgage. my mom is the one physically hosting this visit because she has the close relationship and works from home.
    via brightapplestar
  • Regardless, We've always treated it as our shared family home, not "my house" vs "their house." I'm adding this because it seems to be causing confusion in comments.
    via brightapplestar
  • an unplugged rice cooker sitting on top of a kitchen counter by a window by other small appliances
    via MChe Lee
  • Elegant_Anywhere_150 NTA, totally reasonable. Bad guests don't get invited back
    via Elegant_Anywhere_150
  • SubarcticFarmer NTA but you need to just kick them out now.
    via SubarcticFarmer
  • Sharontoo "Unfortunately we are not up to hosting guests at this time." Done.
    via Sharontoo
  • Jaded Traveller If it is your house do whatever floats your boat. Excuses are rarely a justification for shit behaviour.
    via JadedTraveller
  • Audiovore NTA Fight the fight, you and everyone around you deserves better. Stop generational abuse/trauma.
    via Audiovore
  • chez2202 NTA. It's YOUR house. Tell them to leave now. Don't put up with it for another week. Let them go to a hotel.
    via chez2202
  • AdvisorImaginary8073 At this point just dont welcome them back. I know you are angry for your mom, but take a deep breath. Im sure your mom doesnt want you to say anything. I also have an autistic kid and this is why we do not stay at people's houses. I know they are up at all times at night so I book a hotel or air bnb. I refuse to put people through this. They always say its okay then things like this happen. The food stuff is horrible though. Hopefully they offer your mom money before they le
    via AdvisorImaginary8073
  • lun4d0r4 NTA. But if you and your bro are the property owners KICK THEM OUT!!!
    via lun4d0r4

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family drama cooking house visit chores family cousins entitled people vacation
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